What to do about drama

How many of us know the depths of drama and dysfunction we are involved in actively or passively? Take an honest look at your life. Who are you trying to please? Do you get the recognition that you crave? Where does this craving come from? Do we seek out drama because we are trying to right the world, or do we do it because we are addicted to it? Why is it so hard to walk away from it? Deep down, we know that the outcome will be no different: increased stress, exhaustion, relationship breakdown, lost peace, diminished energy. Compounding the issue is not resolving it. Wouldn't life be so much better without so much drama?

So how do you know you are caught on this particular hamster wheel:

Would you walk away from a potential argument in preference for preserving your own personal peace?

Do you react to things easily or do you take time to evaluate the situation?

Are you a provoker?  Do you do things to irritate people to ignite a row?

Are you nosy? Do you gossip? Would you betray a confidence?

Do you take a lot of things personally?

Do you catastrophise or magnify situations? Situations become bigger than they need to or seem worse than they really are.

Do you overthink?

Are you controlling? Will you fight to get your way? Will you fight to be right? 

Do you offer cynical feedback?

Are you bored with your life? Does drama give a temporary fix?

Where does the boundary lie between you and others? Are you overworked and underpaid? Does everyone leave it all to you? Do you let them dump on you to feel needed? How is that working out for you?

What are you compensating for?

Do you get other people to take action on your behalf? Are you a snake in the grass?

How far would you go if you didn't like a person? 

Would you tell lies about another person to get rid of them? The big clean up and clear out. Would you stamp your name on it?

Are you opportunistic to get ahead? Even if under-qualified.

Are you arrogant? Are you above all that?

Do you go to ground as a form of punishment?

Do you threaten people? If you don't do as I say, I will throw my toys out of the pram. What might that look like? A trade embargo?

Do you follow the crowd? Is there an 'in crowd' and an 'out crowd'? Drama in the making.

Do you shoot from the hip with no regard for the consequences?

Do you fight other people's battles for them?

Do you feign innocence? Portray a victim mentality.

Do you take ineffectual action? Do you blame others for the poor outcome?

Do you build blockades, not bridges? Do you restrict airflow?

These are "shake-up, wake-up" questions. You may not like them, but even when we don't realise it, our actions and inactions contribute to drama. Everyone brings their familial dysfunction and perceived perfection to relationships, work, health, activities, etc. Left unchecked, unhelpful drama creates a toxic environment.  The environment becomes selfish and counterproductive. 

I will offer you some antidotes for the negative impact of drama:

1. Empathy: The first antidote is empathy: the action of actively understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to the feelings, thoughts and experience of another. When we can empathise with a person or situation, we bring our humanity into the space. Humanity in recognition of humanity. I see the drama in you because I own the drama in me. I support you, not because I see you as inferior and me as superior. I support you because you may be where I am now in 1 year or even 4 months. The drama may surround you and not me. Exposing your every move. Fodder for the masses.
2. Speak clearly: So until you require my support, I empathise with your uncertain plight, your perilous journey through this often cruel world. The only difference is 'you will know it'. Why? Because the second antidote is clear and brave communication. No half-truths, petitions or defamations. Honest, open, unrestricted communication. The antithesis of 'admin only'.
3. A daily mantra: a practice that will pull you back from the brink of self-destructive behaviour. Step back, Step out, Step away. Step back and assess the situation.  Step out to give yourself space and bypass toxicity. Step away when you are ready to inhabit a healthier environment. Acknowledge your loss and move on.
4. Author your own life, but make sure it is your life and not the projections of others.
5. Don't forget to breathe. Breathing in, (1,2,3,4), I empathise with the young child in me; breathing out, (1,2,3,4), I empathise with the young child in you. Breathing in, (1,2,3,4), I have self-compassion; breathing out, (1,2,3,4), I have compassion for you. Breathing in, (1,2,3,4), I see the hurt child in me; breathing out, (1,2,3,4), I see my hurt child in you.
6. As you recognise what is yours and what is not. Gently slide back what isn't yours across the table without apology. Now walk away and endeavour to live your life peacefully.

Finally,

Know the non-negotiables in your life and don't get drawn into drama. Protect and preserve your personal space and peace. You will be respected more for respecting yourself more. 

Always follow the path of peace, no matter how difficult.

Aintherese xx